state of the heart

Gravity is matter’s response to loneliness. 

This evident fact of physics hit me several times over the last couple of months. May it be the feeling of a heavy heart or the inexplicable severity that overwhelms us in moments of desolation, grief, and heartache. Keeping your head up high and your shoulders straight seems to be almost impossible due to the severe force of gravity. You can literally feel the earth pulling down every hair, cell, and fiber of your being. Of course, gravity is always present, but a broken heart and the grief that comes with it seem to make us infinitely more perceptive to its raw power.

I think there are two kinds of hearts in this world: compassionate hearts and stunted hearts. And for some inexplicable reason, compassionate hearts always fall for stunted hearts and get broken in the end. See, the truth is, a compassionate heart will always forgive you if you say sorry. And sometimes even when you don’t. Compassionate hearts won’t give up on you even if you give them every reason to. Show them a bad person and they’ll tell you they are misunderstood or lost. A compassionate heart will find good in everyone because it’s their nature to understand and feel. A compassionate heart is not afraid to care and not afraid to show it. It’s not afraid to be sensitive. It still loves deeply because that’s what it does. Unfortunately, with a great capacity to love comes a great potential to get hurt and that is why compassionate hearts get broken while stunted hearts simply stay stunt. A compassionate heart doesn’t give up on a stunted heart easily. It actually hopes and gets broken over and over again before it has to let go for its own sake and that breaks it even more. I just want you to know, that you are not alone.

So here’s to every compassionate heart and the people we said goodbye to, even though all we ever wanted was to hold on to them. Here’s to those of us who still think of someone who’s long gone and struggle to let go. Here’s to the people we miss so much that the mere thought of them feels like all the oxygen got sucked out of the room at once. Here’s to the love we have given over the years, the pieces of our hearts we handed out and never got back. Here’s to whatever obstacle we’ve had to overcome, whatever battle we’ve had to fight, whatever pain we’ve had to feel, to make us kinder and better - to make us evolve and grow. Here’s to everyone who believes in something more, in magic and in love, and empathy. Let this be a reminder that life is not a line or a constant, but a vivid creature with its ups and downs and that all inconveniences considered, you are doing pretty damn great. 

So here’s to life and to every heart.

photography by erich hartmann and me.

the bold stroke

Greek mythology states that at the beginning of time when humans were first created, we had a form different  from what we look like today. We had four arms, four legs, a single head made of two faces, and one mind. What sounds scary as fuck is actually the first portrayal of soulmates or the idea of it. The idea that we were once complete and connected. 

In “The Symposium” Plato tells the story like this:

And there was a time that humans were very powerful creatures, fearless and strong, and even dared to threaten the Gods. They threatened to conquer them and rule in their stead and become the new Gods. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.

So here we are today. Feeling incomplete, looking for our other half, or at least hoping to find something that will make us feel whole. We get lost in this pursuit. The pursuit  of happiness. Some of us look for it in love; some in success and others in abundance. The majority though seems to have given up that pursuit. Not given up entirely but settled for something easy or convenient that might not make them feel whole but less incomplete.

One of my art teachers once told me that the difference between a good painting and a great painting  is typically five bold strokes. The question of course is which five strokes are the bold ones? So, after one slaved away creating a pretty good painting the last thing you  wanna do is make a bold stroke and destroy everything. You don’t want to ruin your painting by being too bold. So, you leave it as it is. After all, it is a pretty good painting.

The thing is, if you never do the bold stroke, you’ll never know if you could have had a great painting.

I don’t think life is about finding your perfect half. It is about trying and reaching and failing. It is about being willing to ruin your good painting for the chance of a great one.

So, ask yourself, is this my boldest stroke?

photography by time.com and me.